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Tom Ellis Coaching

Tom Ellis Coaching

Tom Ellis Coaching

Tom Ellis Coaching located in West Newbury MA, offers tools and practices that support healing and making healthy life choices. My approach is personal, practical, and moves you forward in either your personal, professional or spiritual life." As a certified professional Coach, I work with individuals including artists, students, adults, couples, managers, business owners and leaders who are ready to improve an area in their lives that no longer serves them. - See more at:

"I Don't Know What to do!"

“I don’t know what to do….”

This is a very popular phrase in my line of work.  Each time I meet with someone for the first time, I am met with one, who is likely, at a crossroad in his or her life.  They start off with a story about how they arrived at my doorstep.

Confused with details and unsure of where to start, most proceed to tell me with self conviction, “I don’t know what to do…”.

Once they are done with expressing their concerns, I then tell them I have some good news and some not-so-good news.  Their faces light up with excitement and a sense of hope, that they may be freed from what is troubling them.

I would tell them, First the good news….”There is nothing wrong with you, that is correct, there is NOTHING wrong with You.”

The various expressions on their faces are priceless.  They are surprised at the announcement and slowly you can see a sense of hope that they may actually believe what I just said.

Then, they would ask, “Well…what is the not-so-good news?” 

I would reply with a smile and say, “The not so good news, is that it will be tough trying to convince you that there is NOTHING wrong with you.” 

Often is the case, they met my answer with amusement and a sense of hope.

“Seriously”, I would say, and continue telling them “ The issue is not YOU but the way YOU think”. 

I would then continue to share that I have read somewhere that we, as humans, make over 65,000 or more choices a day.  That's right, we make so many choices and we usually start day with the choice to open our eyes, from a night of rest. If we make so many choices, then like anything, we must be making some good choices, right?

So now back to that opening phrase, “I don’t know what to do…”.  Now that I have shared two valuable points with you, one being that the issue is with your thinking and the other, is that you have experiences making many great choices, we then move forward to exploring what to do with your issue.

I have a tool, called “ What I Want” Matrix, which involves making a box on a piece of paper with a line drawn down the middle.  At the top of the box, I would name the first column “Don’t Want” and the next one, “Do Want”.

With the matrix in mind, I then ask the individual to make a list of what they do not want in their life at this time.  Once they are done, I then ask that they make a list of you do want.  

Many clients have reported they don't know how to make a list of what they want and they feel feel stuck.  Then, I would reply by saying  “But you do” and then continue to tell them, “The easy way to figure out what you want is to write down the opposite of what you listed that you don’t want.”

Below is an example.  As shown, one has listed "Unhealthy relationships" is something they don't want.  Well, what is the opposite of that? As you can see,
one was able to write down the opposite, which is, "Healthy relationships". 

Don’t Want                                                 Do Want    

Unhealthy relationships                           Healthy relationships

Abusive communication                           Loving communication

Negative thinking                                       Positive thinking

Being unhappy                                           To be happy with self

Once we have identified what it is that you want, we then move onto the “how” part of the coaching session.  Amazing things have happened with those I have worked with.  For proof, check the testimonies shared on this website. Or Contact me for a free session, to experience it for yourself.

So the next time you find yourself saying, “I don’t know what to do”, pull out a piece of paper and use this tool and see what you come up with, you may surprise yourself.


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